Super Kawaii Happy Fun Time Action Theater!

At least, that’s what Double Fine should have called it. Instead, they chose Happy Action Theater. Which is just as well, because my creative genius demands large sums of money.

Speaking of large sums of money, did you hear Tim Schafer single-handedly raised more than $1 million American dollars in 24 hours? I can only contribute this to the purchase of Happy Action Theater I made. Karma!

The Kinect has been simultaneously exciting and disappointing for me. I don’t find myself popping in many Kinect games lately. It is physically taxing, and it means I have to clear my living room floor of toys and a random assortment of other objects. It’s actually a time sink for relatively little game play, and with my busy schedule I just find myself passing on it more often than not.

I try to encourage my son to play it, though, especially since it’s winter. He asks me to go outside, ride his bicycle, run around, but the truth is we haven’t gotten much snow, and it’s too damn cold.

Enter the Kinect.

My son is 5 years old, so his attention span for things is short. That, coupled with his autism can hyper-focus him, so it makes it difficult to get him to play a game, much less play a game for more than 5 minutes. Though, when he does find a game he actually likes to play, he can play it for hours.

So when my husband and I downloaded Happy Action Theater, we decided to try it out while our son was at school.

It turns out we loved it.

Even our dog wanted to play.

Obviously, the game was designed for children in mind. But it was definitely designed for adults, too. There is no real point to the game, other than to jump around and have fun.

And clone yourself.

There are several “mini-games”, if you will. In one, you get to feed some pigeons. They fly to you and will land on you. You can brush them off, or throw seeds at them. In another, you are underwater and must catch things dangling from a hook, lest you be pulled up to the surface. In still another, you are a monster terrorizing a city, bashing down buildings and punching airplanes, à la King Kong.

Some of the mini-games have a retro game feel. My favorite is one in which you are a butterfly and must shoot insects descending upon you, à la Space Invaders. The music is upbeat, catchy and whimsical. The graphics evoke a retro feel, but don’t let that fool you – the body tracking power of Happy Action Theater really stands out. There is no guesswork involved. If you want to punch a balloon, it knows exactly where your fist is in relation to aforementioned balloon. The physics are probably one of the most advanced I’ve seen in a Kinect game. Everything is fluid, which makes the pick-up-and-play experience fulfilling.

In superb Schaefer fashion, the achievements are entertaining as well. I don’t want to spoil anything, because honestly the moment it happened was so intensely amazing, you would hate me ruining it for you. I will only say you can act out a death scene of a popular 80′s action movie, and you will get an achievement for it.

Not Pictured: Death Scene

If you have small children, or even if you are an adult and love to jump around, be prepared to clear your living room floor. The Kinect has a pretty ridiculous area of play, but Happy Action Theater will take up an enormous amount of room to stomp, kick, punch, and dance with up to 6 players. So you know what that means: Drunk Happy Action Theater Party!

My son is always drunk before he plays the Kinect.

At 800 MSP, it’s not likely to break the bank, and we’ve certainly seen a return on our investment. The money is more than worth the hours of action, laughter and magic it brings to our family.

~JazFusion

“AND I SAID HEYYEYAAEYAAAEYAEYAA”

HPPodcraft

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Hey guys, I just wanted to shamelessly plug a reading I did for the crew over at The H.P. Lovecraft Literary Podcast. If you like H.P. Lovecraft’s work, and haven’t already been listening to Chris and Chad, you really should! They put on an entertaining show every week. There is also tons of merch in their store my husband has designed.

So check it out, and enjoy the reading!

Azathoth – H.P. Lovecraft

How Old ARE You?

I have a confession to make: I am rapidly approaching my 30th birthday. In actuality, it’s only two years off, but I can feel its oppressive weight looming somewhere near those fine lines I didn’t notice years prior. What happened to my youth? Am I happy with how I have spent my third decade?

Continue reading »

Feminism, Sexism and You

I don’t think I have made it a point to tell you a secret: I am female. I have done all the things normal women have done – reached puberty, perfected the art of applying liquid eyeliner, painted my nails, sewed my own skirt, pined for a certain boy, got married, birthed a child, etc. It is safe to say I know how to be a woman, simply because I am. Cogito ergo sum, but I am no Descartes.

I do know one thing for certain, though. Here’s what it is like to be a woman on the internet: be prepared for a barrage of sexual advances such as you have never seen. No matter what age, weight, height or even if, in fact, you are a woman. Most especially if you are a female gamer. Want to play a quick game of…anything? Too bad, because you’d rather stare at some stranger’s sack of balls, right? It’s only natural.

Even if you look past the riff-raff that seems to loiter about like a pack of starving wolves, you still have to contend with all the gaming companies pushing boobs into your face. Woman only want to motorboat other women’s breasts, right? I mean, that’s what happens when a gaggle of women drink wine and have sleepovers, right?

Do you see what I am doing here? Probably not. Have you read this far? Let me lay it down for you gently. Continue reading »

Thar Be Dickwolves

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I don’t normally say this, and I don’t normally make these kinds of posts, but this particular article will be steeped in my very own opinion. You may not agree with it. It may anger you, and you may be tempted to fling your computer from the tallest rooftop you can find; or you may find yourself agreeing with every pixel that makes up every word. But I urge you: please be reasonable. Above all else, please be civil.

A few months ago, the creators of Penny Arcade produced a strip of satire centering around rape. At the barest of bone here, this particular strip sounds abhorrent. Who would find anything pertaining to rape in the least funny? A whole internet of people. Before I go into anything further, I would like to take this time to dissect the comic into its steaming, vacuous form. Continue reading »

I Have The Need To Feel Kinected

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Oh guys, did you see what I just did there?!

I have had the privilege to play the Kinect. Just like everyone else this holiday season.

Upon first playing with the Kinect, it is a mixture of awe and reverence. There isn’t really an experience like it, and I feel sorry for future generations of gamers when this becomes the default experience. My mind was racing with thoughts of “Look at me, I’m not using a controller!” and “This is what it must feel like to be in TRON!”, and I hadn’t even gotten out of the main menu.

It really is targeted to families and casual gamers, which I am (sort of) happy to see. While I do not wish all of my gaming experiences to be through the Kinect, I am happy for what it is. Continue reading »

First Impressions: Fable III

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Peter Molyneux almost ruined my marriage. I was 6 months pregnant with my son and was supposed to be on relative bed rest when my husband introduced me to Fable to help stave off my boredom. Needless to say, I became consumed. Had I given birth to my son while playing Fable, I probably would not have noticed.

I have been a fan of Peter Molyneux’s games ever since I played Dungeon Keeper. Transitioning from playing the beloved, but ever-noble Warcraft II to the ever-more-sinister Dungeon Keeper was a delight. I loved slapping around my Imps and spawning Dark Mistresses. What more could a girl want?

When Fable II finally came out, I fell in love again. Though I felt it was the game Fable should have been, I was not disappointed. Relatively soon after my love affair with Fable II ended, I heard the news of Fable III making an appearance. The King/Queen on the throne! More children! More hero poses! More gambling! More debauchery! I was elated.

Until I began playing it. Continue reading »

Music In Gaming

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If there is one aspect in gaming that tends to be glossed over, it’s the music. This has always disturbed me in particular; as if I needed more fodder for my hatred of the music industry giant it has become. I tend to take it as a personal slight. After all, why shouldn’t music get the respect it deserves, regardless of the medium?

Both my parents were very musical people. My mother taught me how to sing, and my father taught me to play piano. I have fond memories of sharing music with both of them. Now, I never became the next Liberace or Callas, but I did grow up with a fond appreciation for a variety of music.

Before the advent of greater technology and a more cinematic way of presenting games, there were MIDI’s. I think most of us remember those good old days, and think back fondly on those times when music in gaming sounded more like a robot than a full symphonic, or even just a piano. Whereas our imagination can fill in the blanks visually, it is much harder to accomplish aurally. After all, our most valued sense is sight. Continue reading »

Game of the Month: Darksiders

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I’d like to kick things off with something I want to make ongoing: my pick for a game of the month. Because I do not have access to a plethora of funds nor a heavy repertoire of games at the moment, I’m going to spotlight games I think you should play. They might be games that have been out for a while, or games you’ve likely already played. The bottom line reamins, however: I like them.

The first on my list is Darksiders, the action-adventure game from up and coming Vigil Games. For a young company, they already have an impressive résumé. Owned by THQ, formed by Joe Madureira and David Adams, it can only mean one thing for the future: awesome.

For the present, their break-out game Darksiders has captured the attention of gamers. Set in a literal post-Apocalyptic world, you are War – the first Horseman of the Apocalypse. Blamed for the untimely destruction of the world, and stripped of his rank, War sets out on a quest for vengeance. Which appropriately means, you will kill some bitches.

Continue reading »

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